Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
tonight lets celebrate not being married
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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