You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
