you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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