so that wasnt chicken after all
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
