shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
