Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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