Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
