He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
