So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
