I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
