That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
