walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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