he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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