And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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