something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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