I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
