hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize