Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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