I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
