I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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