I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
