Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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