the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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