All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
