Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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