God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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