He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
