quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
