I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
