just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
