so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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