I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
