just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's rum buckets o'clock
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
