my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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