Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
