If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
