the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
