put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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