I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
