fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
