i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
