There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
