i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
