i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
