i don't like sucking hair
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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