I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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