did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
