Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
