Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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