your room smells of hookers.
And success
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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