It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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