And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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