The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
