Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
