I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
