I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
