You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
barbara walters just said penis...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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