3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
