So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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