Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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