mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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