i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize