Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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