First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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