God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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