Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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