if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
