btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
