So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
