Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
