His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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