Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My bed smells like the plague
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
